By Pastor Michael Wallenmeyer
“If you want to find the right person, become the right person — a man or woman who loves Christ first.” -Elisabeth Elliot
Many young men want to get married someday, but few stop to ask what kind of man they’re becoming right now. Marriage isn’t something you magically grow into. The kind of husband you’ll be tomorrow is shaped by the kind of man you’re becoming today.
Before you ever pursue a woman, you need to pursue Christ. Before you think about finding the right person, you need to focus on becoming the right person.
Here are nine biblical challenges that will help you grow into the kind of man who loves Jesus deeply, leads with humility, and is ready for a godly marriage.
1. Make pursuing Jesus Christ your number one priority.
Everything else flows from this. No woman, career, or dream can take the place of Christ.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” — Matthew 6:33
“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” — Philippians 3:8
2. Get involved in the life of the local church.
A godly man isn’t a lone ranger. He grows in community, serves others, and is accountable within a local body of believers. The church is where you learn to love imperfect people, use your gifts, and live out your faith in real relationships. If you can’t commit, serve, and lead in the church, you won’t be ready to lead in marriage. A man who’s faithful in the body of Christ will be faithful in his home.
“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together…” — Hebrews 10:24–25
“Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.” — 1 Corinthians 12:27
3. Give up your addiction to porn and lust.
Pornography trains your heart to use people rather than love them. Lust destroys intimacy and warps your view of women. It won’t go away after marriage, it must be crucified now.
“Flee from sexual immorality… you are not your own, for you were bought with a price.” — 1 Corinthians 6:18–20
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.” — Job 31:1
4. Be thinking about how you can support a family.
Marriage and fatherhood require responsibility. You don’t need to have it all figured out, but you should be moving toward stability and wise stewardship.
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” — Colossians 3:23
“The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.” — Proverbs 21:5
5. Step up and take initiative in relationships
Many women appreciate when a man takes the first step in a relationship. What in the world are you waiting for? If you notice a godly woman and are genuinely interested, don’t remain passive, be clear, respectful, and intentional. True maturity shows itself in courage, not hesitation.
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” — Proverbs 18:22
“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” — 1 Corinthians 16:13
6. Surround yourself with godly mentors and brothers.
You’ll never outgrow your need for spiritual community. Find older men who model faithfulness and friends who call you higher.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” — Proverbs 27:17
“Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.” — Hebrews 13:7
7. Develop spiritual disciplines now.
A godly husband leads from overflow, not emptiness. Build habits of prayer, Bible reading, worship, and obedience that will shape your soul for decades.
“Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.” — 1 Timothy 4:7
“Blessed is the man whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.” — Psalm 1:2
8. Persevere when life gets hard.
Marriage and manhood both require endurance. Grow in grit, patience, and trust in God when things don’t go your way. Faithfulness today prepares you for faithfulness tomorrow.
“Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord.” — 1 Corinthians 15:58
“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial.” — James 1:12
9. Stay connected to the church and other relationships when you begin dating.
Don’t disappear the moment you start dating someone. You still need your brothers in Christ, your mentors, and your church family. They’ll help you stay grounded, wise, and accountable. Isolation breeds compromise, but community protects and strengthens you. The healthiest relationships grow best in the light of godly community, not in secrecy or isolation.
“Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” — Proverbs 15:22
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil… a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9, 12
Final Challenge
Brothers, godly marriage doesn’t start with romance, it starts with repentance, responsibility, and devotion to Christ.
Become the kind of man who loves Jesus, serves others, and walks in integrity. Then, when God brings the right woman, you’ll be ready to love her like Christ loved the church.
“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, ACT LIKE MEN, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” — 1 Corinthians 16:13–14
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