As I’ve been preaching through the book of Acts, I came across a personal conflict between two spiritual giants—Paul and Barnabas (Acts 15:36–41).
The disagreement was over John Mark. Paul didn’t want to take John Mark on another missionary journey after he had previously abandoned the team. But Barnabas (John Mark’s cousin) known for his encouragement, disagreed. The conflict grew so intense that these two faithful leaders parted ways.
It’s a powerful reminder: even the most mature, mission-minded believers aren’t immune to conflict.
But that raises an important question for us today: How should we handle conflict in the church?
When we face disagreement—over decisions, personalities, or past wounds—do we reflect the character of Christ, or do we fall into patterns that fracture unity?
The truth is, conflict is inevitable. What’s not inevitable is how we respond. Handled God’s way, conflict can become a refining tool for growth. Handled Satan’s way, it becomes a weapon of division and destruction.
And yes—Satan has a strategy. He knows how to take relational tension and use it to discredit the church and derail the mission.
The good news? We don’t have to fall into his trap. Scripture gives us a better path—one marked by prayer, humility, courage, and grace.
Let’s be aware of the devil’s tactics. Most importantly, let’s learn God’s plan. And let’s fight for unity in a way that honors Jesus and strengthens His church.
Satan’s Seven-Step Strategy for Dealing with Conflict
1. Avoid Direct Conversation
Instead of going to the person who hurt you, you pull back. You keep your distance. You pretend everything is fine. But avoidance isn’t peace—it’s poison in disguise. Satan wins when honest conversation never happens.
2. Use Silence (and the Cold Shoulder) as a Weapon
You don’t say anything, but your cold looks, emotional distance, and frosty tone speak volumes. Silence becomes a way to control, punish, and confuse. And reconciliation slips further out of reach.
3. Vent to Your Inner Circle
You “process” with close friends—especially those who will take your side. It feels helpful. It feels like community. But often, it’s just emotional validation that reinforces bitterness and delays real healing.
4. Spread Subtle Gossip
You say just enough to make the other person look bad, without sounding mean. You mask it as a “prayer request” or “concern.” But underneath, it’s spiritual sabotage. Gossip, even in soft tones, is a dagger to the heart of community.
5. Poison the Community
As your narrative spreads, people choose sides. Trust fades. Suspicion grows. Unity unravels. And Satan smiles because the church starts to look just like the world—divided and distracted.
6. Let Bitterness Take Root
Bitterness is a slow rot that hardens your heart and hijacks your joy. It spreads like a virus. When left unchecked, it cripples worship, chokes love, and leaves the church spiritually paralyzed.
“Bitterness is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.”
God’s Seven-Step Strategy for Handling Conflict
While Satan seeks to divide, God longs to reconcile. He’s not surprised by our conflicts. He has given us a better way—one that leads to healing, maturity, and deeper love.
1. Start with Prayer
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God…” – James 1:5
Before you confront anyone, talk to God. Ask for wisdom, clarity, humility, and a heart that wants peace more than being right. Prayer softens your posture and aligns your motives with His.
2. Overlook Minor Offenses
“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” – Proverbs 19:11
Not every issue needs to be addressed. Sometimes, grace means letting things go. If you find yourself constantly irritated, ask:
Can I extend grace?
Am I making a small thing bigger than it is?
If we can’t overlook small offenses or differences of opinion, we’ll end up isolated, always retreating from people. Community requires grace. Unity demands it.
3. Take the Initiative—Whether You’re Offended or the Offender
Matthew 5:23–24, Matthew 18:15
Jesus doesn’t give us an excuse to wait around. Whether you’ve hurt someone or been hurt, the responsibility is the same: Go. Make it right.
“We must take the initiative to restore peace. Jesus taught that it makes no difference whether you have wronged your brother or he has wronged you. Either way, you are always responsible to initiate efforts toward peace (see Matthew 5:23-24 and 18:15). If we are serious about intently pursuing peace, we won’t be concerned about which of us is the offending party. We will have one goal: To restore peace in a godly manner. Unresolved conflict between believers is sin and must be treated as such; otherwise, it will spread throughout the body like cancer until it requires radical spiritual surgery. Far better to deal with it when it is easily contained.” –Jerry Bridges
4. Go Directly to the Person
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone…” – Matthew 18:15
Jesus didn’t say:
- Talk to your small group first
- Post something vague on social media
- Wait for them to notice you’re upset
He said: Go to them. One-on-one. Directly. Privately.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.”
— Corrie ten Boom
5. Reject Gossip—Don’t Speak It or Listen to It
“If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue… this person’s religion is worthless.” – James 1:26
Gossip is more than sharing information—it’s spreading infection.
Ask these three questions:
- Would I want someone to talk about me like this?
- Is this conversation honoring to God?
- Does this conversation build up or tear down?
If the answers convict you—repent. If you’re on the listening end, don’t stay silent. Speak up. Gossip dies when it’s confronted.
6. Forgive—Because You’ve Been Forgiven
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32
Forgiveness isn’t just suggested. It’s commanded.
You don’t forgive because someone deserves it. You forgive because you didn’t deserve it either—and God forgave you anyway. Grace received becomes grace extended.
“If you believe the gospel – that you are saved by sheer grace and the free forgiveness of God – and you still hold a grudge — at the very least it shows that you are blocking the actual effect of the gospel in your life, or you’re kidding yourself and perhaps you don’t believe the gospel at all.” -Tim Keller
7. Remember: Forgiveness Is Obedience
When we say, “I just can’t forgive them,” we’re often saying, “I’ve forgotten how much I’ve been forgiven.”
Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It’s about remembering—remembering the cross, remembering your own need for mercy, and choosing to release others from the debt you’ve already been freed from.
Final Word
Every conflict in the church brings us to a crossroads:
Will we take Satan’s road to division—or God’s road to restoration?
Handled biblically, conflict can become a refining fire that forges deeper community, stronger faith, and clearer displays of the gospel. But ignored or mishandled, it becomes a wedge that splits the body of Christ.
Recommended Resource:
If you want to dig deeper into this topic, I highly recommend Tim Keller’s book, Forgive: Why Should I and How Can I? It offers practical wisdom and gospel-rooted guidance for anyone struggling with forgiveness or conflict.
Photo was taken from Crosswalkdotcom.
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